the next day at school i was late to class. i switched routes just so i could see her more outside of fourth period and i didn't think i could stand seeing her with the other guy.
i dreaded fourth period. i didn't want to see her. not while she has another boy on her mind. not when i wasn't over her.
but fourth period came anyway.
i sat down at same spot as yesterday and put my head down. i didn't want to see whether or not he walked her to class. or carried her bag. or her hand.
i hated that i still wanted to do all that.
i heard her sit down next to me and i tensed. i wasn't sure what to say. or to do. or what to not do. i had already spoken to my friends about what i saw and they all told me to just ask about it.
how could i just ask about it?
it felt like someone was pulling on my heart. i wasn't sure why i felt what i felt, our first conversation was yesterday.
about ten minutes have passed and my head is still down. the pain in my chest hasn't subsided and it doesn't help that the events from yesterday keep replaying in my mind. why couldn't have that been me?
i had thought about walking to lunch with her and talking to her more. maybe stumbled across her path and striked up another conversation. if i had gone through with it this wouldn't be happening. we'd be having another great talk. we'd be fine. i'd be fine.
i'd be feeling fine.
i felt someone's finger poke me and instinctively i look up. i immediately regret it.
she's looking into my eyes and i can tell she's smiling. her hair is styled today and she has clips in her hair of the yellow thing she likes so much. i glance down and take a peek of her outfit.
she wore a cropped grey hoodie with a plaid dark blue skirt, paired with knee high white socks and air force ones.
which was unusual.
the first day of school she made an effort, wearing a white turtle neck with a plaid dress. she wore black knee high socks and half inched boots, pearl earrings dangling from her ears and her hair perfectly curled, framing her face nicely.
it's how i noticed her. how clean and organized she looked. she didn't even use an old backpack, not one with scrapes and old pins all over them. she bought a new one, one that was white and clean.
from that moment on was when i began developing feelings. but i felt, i knew that i'd never had a chance with her.
i pictured myself next to her that night when i went home, tired from waking up early due to my new schedule.
she looked expensive and pretty, i stood next to her in blue basketball shorts. i looked like a bum standing next to her. a bum that photobombed her.
i tried so hard to distract myself from looking at her. focusing on my school work didn't help. the teacher talked me to sleep and i ended up doing no work at all during class. i started going on my phone to distract myself, occasionally taking notes when needed. it helped somewhat, until i began seeing her everywhere.
for the first time i switched spots during break time. my usual was occupied by some freshmen. i was in a circle of my friends and random people they knew, a bunch of guys and a few girls. apparently we had so much fun that day that we just had to make a group chat and hang out again, next time for more than ten minutes.
that's when i found her. at her usual spot. sitting alone against the wall of lockers and using her phone. i assumed she didn't see me because i was crowded with people.
i wasn't able to get a good view of her. the girls standing across from me kept jumping and stepping around, asking what i was looking at.
i went the next day and again to that spot, and each day she was there, sitting against the wall using her phone with her backpack at her side.
i didn't care whether or not the freshmen took our spot anymore, i wanted to see her. i prayed that would take over our spot and that we'd start going over there as our usual spot.
but the freshmen weren't there that day, they moved to the spot next to us. it's like they were taunting me.
after the first day of school she began making less of an effort on her outfit. it went from crop tops and jeans to sweats and leggings. that's why it was so weird to see her dressed up. does she have a date?
my chest tightened. is it with him?
my breathing falteredis she trying to impress him?
my stomach turned.
this seriously couldn't be happening to me.
the feelings i have for this girl.
i'd never had such strong feelings for someone and i've had crushes plus talking stages before.
how did one conversation leave me so attached?
"should we continue where we left off yesterday?" her sweet voice brought me back to life. i fix my posture and answer her with a short sentence.
"okie"okie? is she trying to kill me?
the period went by and we barely talked. i wanted so badly to talk to her. to make her laugh. to make her smile. to make her happy.
but the unnerving feeling in my stomach stopped me.
the thoughts of her and the other guy never left my mind. the pencil started slipping out of hand from all the sweat accumulating. ew. she can't see this.
i quickly wipe my hands against my pants before she can see how sweaty they are. i hated how much i cared when all she probably thought about right now was him.
the bell rang and i quickly pack my things to avoid being left alone with her like yesterday. i pried myself off the chair and briskly walk out of the room. as i get farther from her the feeling in my stomach subsides.
until i pass him.
i look back and he's heading toward mr. sextons classroom.
he's walking her out of class.
something that could've been avoided,
if i had just talked to her today. a/n: the outfits in case you couldn't picture them. from todayfirst day of schoolthe one the right, replace the duck with a pompompurin keychain.